Special Forces: Operation Alpha: Saving Liberty (Kindle Worlds Novella) Page 6

  Stilling my churning hips by dropping his two hands to my hips, Paxton drew back to stare in my heavy lidded eyes. “Believe me, Bambi, the last thing I want to do is slow down. You’re offering me heaven, and it’s killin’ me to deny myself this taste of you, but when I finally do fuck you – and I will eventually fuck you, baby, - I want you in your right mind and not just looking for a convenient outlet to ease the pain your dead husband inflicted on you with his secret lovechild. When I sink balls deep into your heat, I wanna be the only thought occupying your mind. I don’t just wanna be your escape; I wanna be your safe harbor. I guess I’m selfish that way,” he admitted ruefully.

  Still lost in a sensual fog, I struggled to comprehend the words coming out of Pax’s mouth as my blood suddenly froze in my veins and stark reality invaded. Coiled around Paxton’s body like some kind of boa constrictor, my body still hummed with excitement even as the weight of my humiliation weighed me down. Had I actually been trying to seduce the man who’d not only been Yancy’s friend, but also just delivered the news that dumbass had had a child behind my back with another woman… a now dead woman? Christ, had I finally completely lost my mind? Sure, Pax was the hottest of all hot, but still…not only was he so far out of my league, we didn’t even exist on the same radar but HE’D BEEN CLANCY’S FRICKIN’ FRIEND! He’d been a friend that had KNOWN Clancy was a lying cheat, and he’d still said nothing to warn her! And she’d been about to fuck his brains out on her living room floor while Liberty…. wait a second, where WAS Liberty? “Oh, my gosh! The baby!” I yelped, slapping his arm as my worried gaze collided with Pax’s. “Where’s Liberty?”

  “Sleeping in the basket in the spare bedroom,” Pax answered calmly. “She’s fine, Tru,” he soothed me gently, the thumbs of his hands sliding beneath my shirt to rub the sensitive flesh covering my hip bones.

  Relieved, I released the breath I’d been holding. “I… you… Oh, my God, Paxton! I’m so sorry! I…I don’t know what to say. I lost my head for a few minutes there and threw myself at you while you were just trying to comfort me. It’s just been so freaking long since anybody had held me that I guess I just lost my mind and decided that if a little affection was good, more must be better,” I babbled, apologizing profusely while I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed this was all just a bad dream.

  Cracking one eyelid a few seconds later, I found Pax’s hooded eyes staring back at me. Of course, they were. There was no way I could get lucky enough for all this to be a nightmare. Nope, it was all very, very real. I might as well get used to the embarrassment and shame that I felt falling over me with the force of a tsunami. It would have brought me to my knees if I wasn’t already on them, straddled over Pax’s crotch like some kind of whore. “Anyway, this was a mistake. A huge, unfortunate misunderstanding that I promise will never, ever happen again, Pax,” I offered huskily as I tried to scramble off Pax’s lap with as much dignity as I could only to find myself trapped by his hands a second later.

  Pax’s lips twitched as he lifted a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “Well, that’s where you’re very wrong, Bambi, because I can promise you, I’ll be taking more of those kisses we just shared. See, that kiss we had…it was not a mistake. Not by a long shot. I wanted that kiss, baby. In fact, I’ve spent many, many long, lonely nights in the last few months dreaming about how I’d take that first kiss from your sweet lips – which, by the way, taste like the cherries that used to grow on the tree behind my grandma’s house. I loved those cherries, Truly. Every summer, I’d wait for them to ripen on the tree so I could get a taste of their sweetness. Knowing I can have that taste again any time I claim that gorgeous mouth? Yeah, your mouth just went on the endangered species list,” he warned me gently as his finger tapped my kiss-swollen lower lip.

  “P-Pax,” I breathed, unsure what exactly it was I saw reflected in his eyes at the moment. Happiness? Contentment? Wonder? Satisfaction? The only thing I was certain of was that he meant every word he was saying. Because that tone he was using on me? That was the tone of a man that knew what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to do whatever he had to do to get it.

  “Don’t be scared, Truly. I can wait as long as you need to me to wait until you’re ready to accept me and Liberty into your life. I’m a patient guy. Well, patient-ish. I mean, don’t dawdle or anything, but take the time you need to get your head around this. Just know that those minutes you spent in my arms convinced me of one very important thing. You’re meant to be mine. Your kisses. Your body. Your heart. I want to own every bit of it. It’s only fair that I be clear about what –and who – I want. Especially since you got jerked around by Yancy. So I’ll just say it straight out – I want a future with you and Liberty. I want us to be a family. I want to give you the kind of life and love you always dreamed of having, Bambi. I know I’m the kind of man you need. I’m strong. I’m stable. And I’m dependable. If I give my word, I honor it. If I make a promise, I keep it. I’m steady and faithful. My friends have always said I’m a throwback because I believe that when I man sees the other half of his soul, he’ll never want another. I thought I got fucked because I saw the other half of my soul wearing another man’s ring on the day I met her. And not just any man. He was my friend… my brother in arms. I lived with that knowledge every day, Tru. And when I watched him dishonor his vow to you, it killed me.”

  “W-why didn’t you ever tell me? About Yancy’s unfaithfulness, I mean,” I asked painfully, my body stiffening as I watched Pax’s eyes flash with regret.

  “I couldn’t, Tru,” Pax replied as he hung his head.

  “Why not?”

  “Yancy was a brother and there’s a kind of code among brothers,” he returned quietly. “I don’t expect you to understand. Hell, I don’t understand it myself most days, but I’ve spent a lot of years following it. As brothers we have to be able to rely on each other… to trust each other even in the ugliest situations. I can’t tell you how many times Yancy saved my ass in the field, Truly. Iraq… Afghanistan… he had my back… always…. Just like I had his. We saved each other’s lives countless times. That kind of risk builds a bond. I felt like I owed it to him to have his back when I could… even those times when he didn’t deserve it. I told him every day how I thought what he was doing behind your back was wrong. Hell, I threatened him more than once that I’d break the code and go to you myself.”

  “But you didn’t,” I choked. “You just watched him cheat on me…. The alleged other half of your soul.”

  “You think that was easy? Do you know how many fistfights Yancy and I got into the last three months he was alive? Especially after you lost the baby? By the time he died, he and I were barely on speaking terms because he couldn’t keep his dick in his BDUs. I wanted him to clean up his act and be the husband you needed! I begged him. But how could I detonate a bomb on his marriage when I owed him my life? What kind of man would that have made me?”

  “I don’t know,” I whispered. “All I know for sure is that I deserved better.”

  “You did,” Pax agreed. “And it killed me to see you unhappy. I just couldn’t see a way to fix it.”

  I shrugged. “It wasn’t your job to fix it; it was his.”

  “Tru, I can’t explain his choices. All I can say is that I’m not him. I’m no virgin, but I’ve been selective about who I share my dick with. Christ, I’m thirty-five years old and I’ve only shared my body with a handful of woman. And my heart? Hell, I’ve never given my love easily, but when I do, it’s the forever kind of love, and the only woman I’ve ever given that kind of love to so far was my mother. And if I’m really lucky, you’ll let me make you the second. Most importantly of all, I don’t believe in coincidences, sweetheart. I don’t believe anything happens by chance. I think everyone we come into contact with is in our life for a reason. I’m not sure why, but whatever higher power you believe in put you, me, and Liberty on a collision course with each other. And after having you in my arms and having your mouth underneath mine, I know it�
��s because we’re meant to be a family.”

  Blinking up at him, I could feel my eyes widening at his claim. It was crazy, wasn’t it? What kind of higher power would come up with such a convoluted plan to make a family? “I-I don’t know what you want me to say here, Pax,” I whispered, shaking my head as my heart pounded in my chest. “I need some time to think about this. About you. About Liberty. About all of it.”

  Pax nodded, his eyes warm as they looked into hers. “I can see I’ve overwhelmed you. Sometimes when you’ve lived in the darkness for so long, the light can hurt your eyes when you open the door and let the sunshine inside again. The thing to remember is that it doesn’t hurt forever, Truly. The longer you stand in the sun and let the light warm your face, the faster that pain will fade away. And before too long, you’ll begin to wonder why you remained in the shadows in the first place.”

  I couldn’t help smiling at the picture he drew with his words. “It’s a nice thought, but real life is often a lot more complicated than that, Pax.”

  “Maybe,” he acknowledged. “But I’m a firm believer that life is only as hard as you choose to make it. Right now, I want to make things as easy and simple as possible for you, me, and Liberty. It’s why I bought a house.”

  My jaw dropped at that piece of news. Purchasing a piece of property implied a level of seriousness and maturity that my own husband had never been capable of offering no matter how much I’d begged to stop throwing money away on renting and put it toward actually owning something together. “You bought a house?” I echoed “Wow! That’s a pretty big commitment, isn’t it? Especially for a confirmed bachelor.”

  “Yeah, but I’m hoping I won’t be a bachelor forever. Plus, I’m not exactly single any longer. I have Liberty,” he pointed out carefully. “I wanted to have a place where she’d feel comfortable growing up. Anyway, I don’t know if you remember where Cormac Fletcher lives, but I snatched up the house across the street from his for a song. I wanted to give Liberty a stable environment and figured it wouldn’t be so bad put down some roots.”

  Stunned, I couldn’t help staring at Pax. He’d bought my freaking dream house. I’d spent literal years telling Yancy how much I loved the sprawling ranch style house with the pretty flower garden planted in front of the bay window. “You bought the Simpsons’ house,” I breathed. “I met the couple last year when Yancy and I attended Annie’s birthday party. I never imagined them moving. Mrs. Simpson was so attached to her flower garden.”

  “I guess getting a new job that pays a fortune can convince you to pull up stakes and make a change,” Pax offered with a grin. “Anyway, I’m having my stuff moved tomorrow. Since you confirmed it and a little birdy told me that you still haven’t gotten a place yet…”

  I rolled my eyes. “Emily Fletcher’s telling my secrets, isn’t she?” I asked with a small laugh. “I swear, that woman is like a dog with a bone. She’s been trying to convince me to take that apartment over Fletch’s garage. She offered it to me rent-free if I’d just help her out a little with Annie after the baby’s born. She’s worried she might feel a little left out with a newer, littler sibling on the scene.”

  “You’re friends with Em?”

  I nodded. “After Yancy died, she and a lot of the wives reached out. We got to know each other better after Yancy died.”

  “Well, then, I’ll have to do my best to make sure my offer tops hers,” Pax returned with a small chuckle.

  “Your offer?”

  “I want you to move in with Liberty and me at the new house. I’ll even give you the master bedroom… rent-free, of course,” he added with a wink.

  “W-what?”

  “Look, I know you can’t just jump into a mother/daughter relationship with Liberty even if you can wrap your head around being her guardian,” Pax began gently.

  “Probably not like you have, no. Seriously, if you hadn’t told me differently and I hadn’t seen the resemblance to Yancy, I would have thought she was yours,” I said truthfully. “You’ve really taken to fatherhood, Pax.”

  I watched as Pax slowly licked his lips while he considered how to reply to that. I could see him examining and discarding responses in his mind at an alarming frequency and quickly reassured him. “That’s a compliment, Pax. I meant it is a compliment.” I smiled as he visibly relaxed.

  “Thank you,” he murmured softly. “I guess since I don’t have the history with Yancy that you do…I mean, emotionally, her mother meant nothing to me, and Pax… he was a friend. It’s not as complicated for me to fall in love with her as it is for you. For me, she became my daughter the moment that attorney said she was mine and the social worker put her in my arms.”

  I nodded even as I shifted uncomfortably, suddenly realizing that I was still straddling his lap. “Oh, gosh,” I groaned as I scrambled to get off him. “Why didn’t you tell me to get off?” I grumbled as I clamored to slide my ass onto the floor beside him.

  “Maybe because I liked having you exactly where you were,” he stated evenly, laughing as I glared at him.

  “Asshat,” I muttered, tossing my hair over my shoulder.

  “Guilty,” he acquiesced.

  Ignoring his playfulness, I shook my head. “I can’t live with you, Pax. How would it look?”

  “Maybe like Liberty, you, and I are trying to be a family. An unusual family, but a family, nevertheless. Besides, you need a place to live,” he remarked, eyeing the stacks of boxes against the wall meaningfully. “This is a win/win situation. You get away from this house and the memories it holds and you move on. With me.”

  “I…I’m not saying no,” I stated quickly, knowing that if I did say no he’d only try to change my mind. I could see the determination on his face. This was important to him. And honestly, I didn’t want to deny him without thinking things through. “I’m saying I need some time to think about it. This is a huge decision. I don’t want to disappoint either you or Liberty, and honestly, I don’t know if I’m ready for this step. It was only a few months ago I was married…”

  “Unhappily married,” he amended softly, but purposefully.

  “Fine, unhappily married and mourning the loss of my own child,” I pointed out.

  “A loss that I am beyond sorry for,” he offered gravely. “Nobody should know that kind of pain. Especially not you.”

  A lump of emotion rose in my throat, making it impossible to speak so I nodded instead as I blinked away tears. “Right now, looking at Liberty hurts. I’m not saying it will always be that way or even that it will be that way tomorrow, but I’ve got to wrap my mind around things as they are. Not as I wish they’d be. I did read Melissa’s letter for me, but I need some time to absorb what she’s asking of me. Honestly, I’m not sure I’m that good of a person, Pax.”

  “You are,” he reassured me softly. “I’ve got no doubts about that. I wouldn’t be sitting here if I did.”

  “Well, I need to come to that conclusion, too. So, for now, I need to decline your invitation to live with you. I’ve still got some time left here. I can take a little time and figure out my next move.” Seeing the disgruntled look on his handsome face, I fought a smile. He looked… cute. Perturbed and vexed, but very, very cute. “Paxton, when I come to you… if I come to you… it needs to be for the right reasons. Give me the time to make sure I know what I’m doing.”

  “How long?” he questioned boldly.

  “Huh?”

  “How long will it take you to know that me and Liberty are the answer to all your questions?”

  “It takes as long as it takes,” I remarked truthfully.

  Eyeing me unhappily, Pax finally nodded before he lifted a hand to cradle my cheek. “Do what you need to do, Truly. In the end, I’m confident you’ll arrive at the same conclusion I have.”

  “And what’s that exactly?” I asked with a shy smile.

  “That you’re meant to be an integral part of the family I’m building. I’ve got the daddy and baby covered. Mommy is still missing even though I
’ve already found her. The sooner you realize it, the better for everyone. In the meantime, you can expect me to do everything I can to convince you that a life with me and Liberty is exactly what you need.”

  “Well, you’re certainly persistent,” I replied, not quite sure I meant it as a compliment.

  “Oh, Bambi, you ain’t seen nothing yet,” he murmured, leaning forward. “Now, before I take my baby and go, I want another of those sweet cherry kisses.”

  And solely in the interest of expediency, that’s exactly what I gave him.

  At least, that’s what I’d tell myself later.

  Chapter Five

  Pax

  One Very Long Week Later

  Blinking my tired, burning eyes as I made my eighteenth lap around the room, I was only certain of one thing in the world.

  The experts all had it wrong. The solution to war wasn’t germ warfare.

  It was the sound of a furiously crying baby. Particularly my crying baby.

  Yes, if our enemies were forced to listen to the sound currently emanating from the shrieking child in my arms for twenty-four hours a day, they’d lose all hope for victory within a week.

  God knows, I had.

  At this point, I was pretty certain I was the biggest failure on the planet since for the past seven days, I couldn’t figure out a single way to appease the angry infant I held.

  In fact, at this point, I’d make a deal with any devil, foreign or domestic, if they’d just tell me how to make Liberty stop sobbing for five uninterrupted minutes!

  I needed some peace and quiet.

  Followed by the hottest shower known to man.

  Capped off by about thirty-six hours of deep sleep.

  But most of all, I needed just one more sweet cherry kiss from Truly.

  I missed those kisses. I missed her.